


you're not broken

by what_a_dork_fish



Series: Cheriks [18]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Asexual Erik, anyway here y'all go have something that's hitting too close to home, why has it taken me so long to write ace!Erik? I have no fucking idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-20 22:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15543762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: I don't know why I wrote this.





	you're not broken

Erik liked sex well enough. He had never really felt like he _had_ to have it, though. He had never looked at a person and imagined making love to them. Apparently this was a bad thing. He didn’t really care.

He wanted other things, though. Kisses. Hand-holding. Once in a while he would long for someone to hold tightly. He couldn’t say that that was what he wanted to anyone, for fear of being called a tease. But that was how he felt.

No one knew. No one until Charles, that is.

Erik had actually been terrified the first time Charles had kissed him, just a light brush of lips on his. A surge of fear had coursed through him, because they were both men and surely that was wrong hadn’t he been told since his was young that it was wrong mama and vati had never said anything but others had pink stars had marched across his vision—

But that had been it. Charles had walked away after that gentle kiss. Erik had calmed down, slowly, but surely. It was okay. Charles hadn’t wanted _that_.

Maybe he felt the same way Erik did.

This thought was tentatively proved true when Charles asked, looking nervous, “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”

Erik nodded, because he had been toying with the idea that maybe Charles wouldn’t mind a hug. It was hard for Erik to fight through the revulsion of being touched, but… well… maybe it’d be better with Charles.

And it was. When they climbed into bed together, Charles put his arms around Erik loosely and sighed heavily before closing his eyes and, to all appearances, falling immediately asleep. Erik stayed awake, watching his face. He lay quite still, though. So Erik put his arm over Charles and felt a slight loosening in his chest. This was all he wanted. This was all he needed. Just this.

He didn’t have nightmares that night.

~

Their quest to recruit was going well. So it was strange to walk into the hotel room with dinner and find Charles sobbing.

Erik didn’t even think. He put down the bag with their dinner in it on the table and strode over to sit beside Charles on the edge of his bed and pull him close, holding him securely and stroking his hair gently with one hand. Charles abruptly stopped crying, but after a moment, he relaxed again and began to sniffle.

They sat there and did not speak. Charles cried himself out. Then Erik stood, pulled Charles gently to his feet, and led him by the hand to the table. Charles didn’t pull away. He looked tired and dazed, and when Erik sat him down, he slumped in his chair. Erik took out the box containing Charles’ dinner and set it in front of him.

“Eat,” he ordered gently.

Charles did so.

Erik let Charles sleep in his bed again. Charles hugged him tightly and pressed close, hiding his face against Erik’s chest.  Erik closed his eyes and breathed in Charles’ scent and hugged back.

~

Erik still wasn’t sure, but he thought he was in love with Charles.

Except he didn’t want to have sex with him.

It wasn’t because they were both men. He was sure of that now. It was just… not something he thought about. He knew Charles was very sexual; look at the way he flirted with everyone who looked nice, and how often he told Erik he wouldn’t be coming back to the hotel with him. Charles liked sex a lot. Erik didn’t.

But he couldn’t help being jealous when Charles went and shagged some beautiful person. They had decided to only get rooms with one bed, to save money, and that had worked out very well, because Erik had discovered that he was very clingy. He liked sleeping beside Charles. Even when he had violent nightmares, he often woke up to Charles stroking his hair, murmuring softly, gentle words that made Erik want to cry.

Except Charles began to increasingly spend the night with other people. Erik caught himself actually _worrying_ , and was so surprised that he shocked himself right out of it.

Charles was acting strange, too. He would be as clingy as Erik sometimes, and then he would eschew touch completely. He would snuggle up against Erik at night while they discussed their plans, and in the morning refuse to hug him. Erik tried not to let this get to him.

Yes. He was in love with Charles. He was sure of it now. Why else would he be so tied up in knots over this? If he didn’t care, he… well, he wouldn’t care. But he did care. He cared a lot.

Erik began to be scared.

~

Charles actually jerked away when Erik kissed him, and stared at him with wide eyes, absolutely shocked. Erik dropped his gaze to the floor, suddenly ashamed and afraid.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, and backed away.

“I thought…” Charles trailed off uncertainly.

Erik didn’t ask.

“I thought you didn’t like me like that,” Charles said finally.

Erik looked up at him, confused. “Like what?” he asked.

“I… it’s just… you never…” Charles bit his lip, blushing deeply. Then he took a breath and continued, “You’ve never kissed me, so I thought you didn’t want me.”

“Oh.” Erik felt a sickening mixture of fear, guilt, and misery fill him, the likes of which he’d never felt before.

There was a little silence. “Can you tell me about it?” Charles asked softly.

“I… it’s… it’s complicated,” Erik muttered.

“Do you want to try?”

Erik hadn’t fiddled with his mother’s star since he took it back from the thieving bastards who were about to melt it down. But he reached up and fiddled with it now, nervously.

“Erik?”

“I don’t want it the way other people do,” Erik blurted, not looking at Charles. “I don’t want sex. I’m alright with it, I’ve done it and it’s been nice, but I don’t want or need it.”

“But you like touching?” Now Charles sounded thoughtful. Erik couldn’t bring himself to look up.

“Yes,” he mumbled.

“Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?”

Erik looked up, frowning slightly. “What’s that?” he asked.

Charles smiled. “It’s a binary scale, with one end being heterosexual and the other being homosexual. I find it limiting and rather basic, especially considering the Greek concepts of love and the way so many other cultures accept more than two genders… anyway. The Kinsey scale also mentions people in group x. They’re people who feel little to no sexual attraction. I think lately it’s actually been named, too. People in group x use the term asexual.”

Erik’s frown deepened. “Isn’t that a biological term?” he asked.

“Yes, but it doesn’t have to be,” Charles replied.

Erik thought about this. “So… I’m not broken?” he guessed, and realized as soon as he said it that that was how he’d felt. That was why he didn’t want to tell anyone. He’d thought something was wrong with him, that something in his head was broken. But…

“No.” Charles stepped forward and hugged Erik. “You’re not broken.”

Erik hesitated, then hugged back, tightly. Charles wheezed out a laugh and kissed Erik’s cheek.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments = Life, Love, and Happiness


End file.
